Dear Friends,
I’m sorry it has been so long (too long) since I last wrote you regarding updates with our baby. We’ve been in survival mode and so things just haven’t been getting done. Nor have we been sleeping. My parents came down for a week (just left today) to give us some help and some breaks. It was great having them here! Mattie loved being with her grandparents. Bob and I even “got away” (physically but not emotionally) for a weekend last weekend.
So the baby has now had 2 echocardiograms- one at Obstetrix (a high risk pregnancy office) and one at Stanford with a pediatric cardiologist. The consensus is that our little girl has a huge hole in her heart (AV canal defect.) The doctors both agree that the hole is quite big. There may also be some fluid around her heart as well. She will have to have her first open heart surgery sometime between 3 weeks and 6 months after birth.
I don’t know what the next few months hold for us as far as doctor’s appointments and such. Bob and I are just so exhausted on many levels. We have been going to counseling regularly to work through all the stresses as well as work through preparing for the future. We are scared of what the future holds- there are just so many unknowns. It has been challenging to put our trust in God. We have been crying out to Him, but have not always seen, heard, or felt His presence in ways that are obvious to us- though we trust He is indeed there. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” That is all we have had to stand on. We certainly are in a wilderness. It has been challenging to have hope in the future.
I want to thank so many of you for reaching out to us through emails, cards, phone calls, flowers, meals, watching Mattie, and through lots of prayers. These things are more appreciated that you can know. I want to apologize now for not getting notes of thanks out to you or not getting back to you when you email or write. Please have grace on us right now. Just know that I’m glad to get your email and that you are not bugging me. I just might not be able to get back to you. The phone can be especially difficult with Mattie around. So anyway, please continue to reach out to us. We have been so thankful for your love and support.
How can you be praying for us?
1) That God would continue working on our fear-filled hearts replacing fear with love. I John 4:18 “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…”
2) That we would be leaning on His strength more than our own- since we have very little right now. Hebrews 4:15-16: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
3) That we could get some better sleep. Both Bob and I have some sleep meds to help us at this point.
4) That we can continue to “hold things together” for Mattie and that she would be protected from the stress we feel inside.
5) That God would protect our marriage through this tough time and we would be able to love each other well through this trial (and hopefully even come out stronger on the other side!)
6) On top of everything else, we’ve had a run-in with our neighbor’s dogs (2 weeks ago) that has made relations tense and is a bit of a messy situation. Pray that it gets resolved without getting more complicated. It is hard not feeling relaxed in your own home.
7) Finally, that God would have mercy and grace on our family and on our baby girl.
We love you all so much. Thank you for walking this hard and uncertain road with us. We will need to continually lean on you when we have difficulty standing ourselves. We will need you to hope for us when we have little or none. And we still need your prayers, of course.
I’ll be in touch when I can,
Val, Bob, and Mattie (and baby) Brown
