Today 4 years ago Julia's heart beat for the last time. I was there holding her. I will never forget.
Life tends to take over and I think it especially tries to take over on significant days when I am supposed to stop and sit and reflect. Today of course has been crazy. I had a 2 hour meeting this morning with a woman who is helping me with my credential coursework. I had 10 minutes to drive from that meeting to an hour long meeting with the child psychologist we just started seeing in regards to Mattie's recent ADHD and dyslexia diagnosis as well as in regards to her transitional issues with moving here to Colorado. I have assignments I am supposed to be working on and I need to leave to go pick up Mattie from school and then take her straight to the community center where she will do her homework and take her tap dancing class. It is non stop.
But I decided I would sit here and post on Julia's blog today by hell or high water because I feel I owe it to myself and I owe it to Julia. I did get to tell the child psychologist our whole story today. I brought my picture book that I made of Mattie and Julia and our family. It felt good to share our story... of miscarriages and infertility and of Julia and her life and death. I got to tell her what an impact Julia's life has made on other people's life. I got to share how Bob and I stayed steadfastly committed to one another despite all the stress. And I got to share how God was foundational in it all to giving us the strength to make it through to where we are now. I also got to share that I plan to have some serious conversations with God when I get to Heaven because I still have a lot of questions that will not get answered here on Earth. I got to be real and I got to share. It helps to share because it gets it out. It is nice to be known by someone else in a place where hardly anyone knows me at all. So far, around here, I mostly carry my story alone. Over time that will change... but for now that is the way it is.
So today, despite that fact I still feel like a chicken with my head cut off half the time, I am remembering Julia and all the events that happened today at the time that they happened.
I will not forget.
