Blogging...

I have been frustrated with myself in the past few weeks that I have not been on top of my blogging. I now have a running list of things to blog about in which I have not seemed to have time or make time to do. I was reflecting on why this might be:
A) I'm tired of blogging and wanting a break
B) I am procrastinating blogging
C) I finally have time to spend with my husband after Mattie goes to bed and it feels great to just "veg" out in front of the TV or soak in our hot tub (which I couldn't do when pregnant.)
D) I just am not making the time to do it... the tyranny of the urgent. It seems like there is always something more important to get done.

But I think one of the primary reasons is that I am no longer pumping. There was something actually sacred about the 20 minutes that I had to spend 5-7 times a day. It was a time I was "trapped" and not able to do anything but SIT. I don't sit very well. Also, the times in the middle of the night when I was sleep deprived seemed to be my most contemplative times. I am also not in crisis at the moment. I am in recovery. I have discovered from my miscarriage last year and my journey with Julia that when I am in crisis, my first response is to reach out to others. I don't implode, I explode, so to speak. I am an external processor through and through. Blogging was healing for me. I kind of miss the time I had... though I hated getting up in the middle of the night and in the early morning, those were wonderful times alone, by my self, in the quiet. Time to think. I have pondered getting up early to have that time every morning... I've never been very disciplined about the "quiet time thing." But I'm thinking about it. (The thought of setting an alarm when I don't have to just seems so wrong!)

Anyway, some of you have told me you are still checking the blog. I am so glad you are. It helps keep me going. I just know that I have about 5 posts that I WANT to get out and haven't yet. Don't lose hope.

And thanks for reading and journeying with me.