First day back home...

We had an okay night last night. Julia slept through the night. She has definitely taken a turn. She is tired and she has lost most of her spunk. She is not the same baby she was even 2 days ago. She sleeps most of time and barely opens her eyes. She works really hard at breathing. It is sad to see. But she does seem peaceful, in general. We have medications to help make her comfortable if she starts breathing hard. I don't know how long we have. A professional photographer came to the house today to take pictures of our family with Julia. She will not charge us. Such a gift. Julia was really too weak to take her nose prongs out. But this has been her reality for a while. Tonight, I feel like she is looking healthier than she was last night. I think being held all the time and loved and kissed and being away from the hospital has made her happier. When Bob was holding her tonight, she had her eyes open just a bit. She was looking at him and I swear we saw a smile.

I am feeling mostly ready to let Julia go. Of course, I don't think I can ever be really ready. I am scared. I have never witnessed death. And though I am confident that she will be going Home into the healing arms of Jesus, it is still scary. I love her. I don't want to watch her die. She is so beautiful and precious. But I don't want to see her hang on any longer than need be. I can't stand to see her suffer.

In the meantime, we will continue to hold her as much as possible, kiss her soft sweet skin as much as possible, love her as much as possible.