Dear Friends and Family,
It’s been 3 days since Julia’s memorial. It was a wonderful service. I was truly blessed by it. So many wonderful people stepped in to help make it beautiful. There were probably about 200 people there and had it not been a holiday weekend, there may have been more. I have been reflecting on how abundantly blessed I am to have the support network that I have. No one should have to go through what we went through in losing Julia. No one should have to bury her child. But then again, no child or person should ever go hungry or be abused or have to suffer in any way. But in the world in which we live, horrible things happen every day. There are so many circumstances in which we have little to no control. So in the midst of pain and suffering, it is God and the people surrounding us that get us through. Mattie, when on a walk with her grandma Sally, told her, “Julia is in the upper Heaven and I am in the lower Heaven.” And while this Earth is full of yucky things that do not in any way resemble Heaven, it is the people and true community that are a reflection of Heaven and a reflection of God’s love. It is the Kingdom of God that Jesus talks about 70 times in the Gospels. I feel that I have felt a piece Heaven here on Earth as I have walked this incredibly difficult journey from the love of people. I can not believe how “over the top” blessed I am by the friends and family I have. I reflected on how many different circles of people came on Saturday to support us both locally and from out of state. I calculated at least 11 different circles of people who took time to come celebrate Julia’s life with us. Over the weekend, we were able to spend some wonderful time with the out of town family and guests who came and were surrounded by love. It dulled our pain. However, I know that darker days are ahead: after the chaos of the last 3 months has settled, when all the family has gone home, when the house is quiet, and I have more time to be alone and think. It will be as I put away the baby things that Julia used or never got to use. It will be when I see any little red-headed baby, or probably any baby for that matter. That is when I will feel Julia’s absence. Every 18th of each month, I will quietly think about her month birthday markers. Just last night, Bob said, “The house is quiet without Julia. I miss being able to hold her.” I miss her, too: her soft skin, her downy hair, her deep eyes, and her feisty cry. But I know I will miss her even more in the months to come when reality has settled in. So it will be all of you who will help fill the “Julia” hole in our heart (though the hole can never be completely filled.) We will need your love and some fun distraction. We will need you to cry with us but also laugh with us. I want to invite you all to “pester” us as much as you want. Please do not fear that you are bugging us or that we need more time to heal. We do indeed need time to heal. But healing can come when we have some fun in our lives. We have had a very rough 3 years… from infertility, to miscarriage, to losing Julia. We need to start to dream again, to laugh again, to live again. I invite you to help us. We’d love to spend time with you. Please feel free to talk about Julia with us. Feel free to text me just to say you are thinking or praying for us. If something reminded you of Julia, please feel free to share that with me… even if it is 6 months or a year from now. You can know, that I will be thinking of her... probably most every day for the rest of my life. So it won’t come as a shock to be reminded of her again. Basically, we are going to need your love and friendship even more in the months to come. And what brings me more comfort and hope than you can know is knowing that I have friends to lean on in the coming days, months, and years. I feel so thankful for the love you have shown us. And I know that because of your love and friendship we’re going to “make it” in the months and years to come. I am so thankful for my friends and my family. I am thankful for YOU!
I will continue to post to Julia’s blog in the coming weeks and months as I process her life and her death. So feel free to join me in my process if you would like at
juliaalexandrabrown.blogspot.com
Also, I want to invite you once again, if Julia has touched your life in anyway, to email me to tell me about it. It can be in the next days or in a year. Hearing about the impact of her life on others brings me such joy and comfort. Thank you for those who have already written me.
Again, know that I love you and am thankful for you.
Love,
Val
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