Brian Morgan’s Message for Julia’s Memorial
Special Delivery
From: Julia Alexandra Brown
To: Mom and Dad
February 18, 2012
Dear Mom and Dad,
I heard that you’re having a special party today to celebrate my life with family and friends and those special, professional people who became my family at Stanford Hospital. As you think and talk about my life I asked your pastor (rabbi) if he’d mind sharing some of my thoughts with you.
First, I want you to know what a blessing you were to me. It wasn’t until I got here and heard some stories from other children, that I learned how blessed I was. Though my time with you was short as people count it, every moment of my life, from the nine months we got to know each other in your womb and then for the next 83 days after I was born, the only emotion I felt was love in all the ways I think anyone could imagine.
I’ll never forget passing through the hard time of labor and awakening to a new world of light and color and seeing tears of joy in my own mother’s eyes. And even though daddy could hardly speak, when he touched me with his strong hands, I instantly knew how much he loved me. And then of course, there was my energizer-bunny big sister, Mattie, front and center. Wow! (By the way, when you get here with me, you may have a hard time telling us apart, at least from our looks. Our hair is identical, but you’ll be glad to know, I did get some of daddy’s more laid-back genes). When I first met Mattie, I couldn’t miss her big, big love for me. But I was a little afraid some times that she might try and grab me, and then toss me up into the air like one her stuffed animals. But, Mom and Dad, you were both always there to protect me and keep us calm.
After those first days it seemed as if I was the only one in the room for everyone I met. I just thought this was the way every baby is welcomed. People were so concerned about me and the ways they loved me never stopped. I thought for sure that they all had to be my relatives. I was thinking that I must belong to one of those gigantic families, like Judah or Naphtali, which I have now been able to read about in Israel’s Bible stories. After I got here, I was surprised to learn that these people were not related to me at all, but were people who worked very hard to learn how to take care of kids like me – doctors, nurses and counselors, who had hearts much bigger than the hard work that had to do.
When the first report came in after I got her, I was really surprised to find out that my “love quotient” (which is how much love I got for every hour of my life) ranked me in the top .1% of heaven’s population. In recognition of your love, I was given a special scarf of many colors, like the coat Jacob made for his son Joseph. It looks so great with my red hair.
These wonderful workers may think that I’ve since forgotten them, but I’ll never forget them. When we kids feel helpless and in danger, the loving face of one of those adults who lean over us to protect and care for us is a face we’ll never forget. Now that I am able to understand and talk about my emotions, I want to say, “Thank-you. Thank-you. Thank-you.” Forgive me for not knowing everyone’s full name and title, but in heaven we just go by first names.
Thank-you…
Renee – for the many ways you loved me;
Mandi – for checking to see how I was doing– around the clock;
Jane – for sending mom and dad chicken soup after my 2nd discharge;
Alex – showing me HOW MUCH you cared about my heart;
Michelle – for taking such good care of me the first time I was looked over;
Seth and Justin– for wanting to do anything and everything to save my life;
David – for telling the truth in a loving way, when you had to talk about the painful news about my heart to my Mom and Dad;
Chesney – for giving mom your personal number to call after we went home;
and Michelle – for your wonderful, loving words and your wise advice to my sad, sad parents.
God told me that he’s going to do something special for you for the way you loved and cared for me, for Jesus said, “whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me” (Matt 18:5). In God’s family, the really great ones are the one’s who love and welcome the one’s who can’t give anything back.
I also found out what happens when people pray really hard for you. After the second time I left the hospital, I felt my body working too hard to survive. Then suddenly I felt something pouring into me that felt like an electric surge of new life – much more than all the other days before had felt. For two days I felt like I was in a dream, for two days I was home, really home, held up by more love than I could imagine. I was cradled and carried by my two grandmas, my red-headed Uncle Branden, Mattie, daddy and mommy, who by the way, never stopped kissing me. While all this was happening to me, another kind of angel kept Mattie busy in the den with an easel and finger-paints.
And what’s more, a professional photographer showed up and took family photos for 2 ½ hours like we were a king’s family. I thought to myself, “If this is what happens when you are born, I can’t wait to see what birthdays will be like!” And then just as that surge of life had mysterious energized me, so it seemed to leave without warning. I was in big trouble, and I could tell everyone in my family knew. My time with you was running out, but your love did not run out.
To my surprise your love took on a depth and sweetness that made even the angels gasp. I discovered that when people come to end of all they can do, they become still, their hands go limp, but their eyes get shiny and glow like rivers of living water coming up from the deepest part of their souls flooding down their cheeks. The last thing I remember on earth was looking up into your eyes, Mommy, with tears, tears falling like little jewels from your eyes. Sadness and love flowing down wound together.
I’ll never forget going through a dark kind of night, so silent and then awakening to the sound of a shepherd’s voice saying “Talitha koum! Daughter, arise!” He took my hand and I stepped into a new world of light and color beneath a massive rainbow of God’s unfailing love.
This New World is hard to describe, because no matter where you look it’s so beautiful, you tingle all over. Every view takes your breath away. It is the very best of our world, with all of God’s heaven mixed in. The colors, well I can’t describe them, and every sound is like angels singing. But nothing compares to music I’m hearing and the songs I’m learning. There are choirs everywhere singing songs in every language of our world. On my first day I happened to stumble on the final rehearsal of an African children’s choir preparing a special number for their parents when they arrive.
Then today, just before your party, an angel brought me back through time and space, three thousand years to Jerusalem, where Israel’s most beloved singer, king David, was preparing to sing a special portion of one of his psalms just for me. You know the song as Psalm 139, but today he renamed verses 7-18 “Julia’s Song.” As he sang, the God breathed words filled my new, strong and healthy heart with so much power and feeling, I thought I would burst. I can’t sing the song yet, but perhaps if the kind rabbi will read the words, you’ll experience something of what I felt, for David’s song is now my story. And I can’t wait for you to get here, so I can sing it to you. For I, Julia Alexandra Brown, am so proud to be your daughter.
Love,
Julia
Julia’s Song
Psalm 139:7-18
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to the heavens, you are there;
if I spread out my bed in the grave, behold you!
9 Were I to rise on the wings of the dawn,
and alight on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 And then I thought, “Surely if darkness crushes me,
and if the light becomes night around me,”
12 even darkness is not dark for you;
and the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
(Psalm 139:7-18 Bruce Waltke’s translation)
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